Minutes of Today’s Session

·        My nose is drinking eggnog - parna

·        Have you ever seen an african drink eggnog?

·        Positive chi, calm chi, kimchi!!! – brie, ana, parna

·        They can rape everyone including the cleaning lady but they can’t drink eggnog

·        Let me eat your cupcake bitch, I’ll go African on you! - brie

·        Little children, not even for money - ana

·        It’s glow in the dark Edward! (about the seine boats)

·        But my boyfriends a powderpuff!

·        Anahita’s skinny ‘white’ ass….

·        Your face

·        The latino Chlamydia in Oklahoma

·        Zuko hair!!! (die jesse mcartney, die!!!! Take a lesson from Jacinta…she could be a better zuko than you…by a slim margin. And we just voted for her because we like her mizuki-shirt.

·        FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! (Jacinta hides around the corner crying)

·        Gangsta inuits- A real I!!!

·        Seals vs. Pandas- we all know Pandas Rock

·        The appearance of the A squared show

Jacinta: The story of an ASIAN

Once upon a time there was My Fellow Asian Jacinta who was an interesting girl. She wanted to be a zoologist and marry a Lord to become a Lady and she was a self-confessed Harry Potter fan and fangirl, whose fangirl lists consists of several doctors (of different kinds), scientists or specifically biologists, a werewolf and death gods and a motorcycle fitted in there somewhere. Her friends tried to send her to AA (Anime Anonymous) but they sent her back to reality stating she was a “lost cause”. HPAA (Do I need to say?) didn’t even want to think about accepting her after hearing that she had created a shrine to the harry potter gods in order to bring herself closer to HP and JK ROWLING. She also epic failed at cosplay, but that’s another story.

As a young girl, she aspired to find the Davidus kitticus. She spent much of her teenage wasteland trying but ending up at epic fail like science teachers epic fail at art, not to mention any names of course. Little did she know that the creature she was looking for was not just any fantasy but Kitty, her pet, whom she could not distinguish from a human. Hence, a human could be a pet to her as debated in TOK in the question “do animals have perceived fear?” “Answer: yes – my pet Kitty flinches if I raise my hand in a threatening manner after I used to beat him”.

Her school years were likewise interesting, being dragged across the room and endlessly topped up with more champagne which was used as an “excuse” to being red in the face at her graduation booze-off, toiling her life away onto paper as she did her mock (and real) exams and watched her friends’ BRILLIANT performance. Getting a 6.9 instead of a 7.0 in Geography and contemplating geography death and completing her PhD only to find that someone had stolen her dissertation and she had to do it all over again. As the typical ASIAN, she enjoyed the ASIAN side to life, Chinese tea and yumcha, Twinning Earl grey with milk and 2 sugars, teaching her friends Cantonese swears and being stereotyped by those Caucasians who’ve never been to Asia.

And when she did find a Lord to marry, he said "Alright, I'll marry you but only if you attend this formal dinner with my family without mishap" so they all sat at the table in the grand dining room in the Csomething manor house at the estate with some fancy name and the first course was served. And as they all picked up the correct cutlery they noticed Jacinta. The relatives all froze with food halfway to their mouth and stared and her “future” husband did a headdesk. And that was how Jacinta epically failed at being a real Lady. He never saw her again.

Jacinta died young, but in a blaze of glory. After the aftermath of trying and failing to discover the elusive Davidus kitticus and the epic failure of her chance of fulfilling her Dream to become a proper Lady, she decided to take a break from her peer pressuring friends and travel to get away from the polluted scum of the Former British Colony of Hong Kong of the Former Majestic and Glorious British Empire, now know as the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region. She finally decided to stay for a while in the Bahamas, in Nassau. She found a cave near the beach to be her dwelling and often explored the surrounding cliffs doing what she loved: rock climbing. However, one ill, or not so ill, fated day, her beloved carabineer which she bought when she was 15 from a outdoor shop in Wan Chai, a.k.a. the posher red light district of HK, snapped from years of hard use (doing who knows what) and she tumbled from the cliffs only to fortunately land in the azure sea with an onomatopoetic SPLASH!

At the same time, a Great White Shark by the name of Spartacus, sent by Jazz the psychopathic fictional misanthropic seal, saw his opportunity and chased her. Futilely, she gets impaled by a passing stingray, who wishes to remain anonymous, while avoiding Spartacus in a moment of bathos in memory of her childhood hero and fellow Australian, Steve.

Nevertheless, her friends celebrated by conglomerating at the Oz bar were Jacinta never had a drink at and partied all night by cross-dressing at Queens. The next day however, in a rare moment of sobriety, they missed for one moment, her ability to fornicate with words and a song and dance number about a dominatrix with the boots and the black leather whip first performed at Chester Zoo and remained wildly popular to this day. But that moment passed and her friends continued to celebrate her passing until her funeral.

During that day, her friends played the song Yellow by Coldplay and her good friend Anahita, now Prime Ministeress of The People's Democratic Republic of Brianiniilandia, stood up to give the obituary in the presence of Brianna, President of The People's Democratic Republic of Brianiniilandia and General of Brianna's Royal Army (B.R.A- the support of the nation), Cindy, Bella and Edward and the other Australian Matilda, who by the way does not waltz, and said...

“Once upon a time there was My Fellow Asian Jacinta who was an interesting girl…..”

Ze chapter plot line

By ling ling and Ais
shelia’s funeral, chili explains how she died, introduces how it began a month previously

1. how chilie moved to school, her first days meeting anton and the dog and how she got her nickname
2. how bad the school is, and studco. Intro Lysander evander fannie mae and Fredrick mac and gets rejected from club Yukon
3. while evading snakes PE classes, meets puff who tells her prophecy and gives her mop of destiny
4. discovering antons disappearances to magic class, discoveres studcos evil intentions. Is saved by anton in a deamon headmaster moment
5. real time death of shelia. Brad asks her out to go ice surfing after salmon dinner but she kills herself while hes busy. Brad tries to save her but gets mauled by poojazz. Chilie and chalouf has been stalking and horrified at death. Jack flies over and informs school
6. s
7. various fillers – different classes, groaning gurtude, Russian ghosts, Korean drama, headmistresses
8. s
9. intro brads+mom+poojaz – his triade w/ bicycle seat carrying Canadians

end act 1

1. poojazz rallying seals like Hitler. They find out about his nickname poojazz and tease him. Brad rallies Canadian army
2. they march to fight – chilie and friends try to stop it. Find out its really pal gore is the enemy. Pal gore is introduced at the permier of his new movie: The convienent lie
3. more love triangles, good quality ghost bonding – discuss poojazz’s backstory and reasons for fighting
4. pal gore defeated and global warming reversed…somehow...
5. see above
6. chilie tries magic but anton stops her
7. pal is discovered to me controlled by someonw (as yet unknown) and poojazz is just a misunderstood eternally baby seal

end act 2

1. King of underworld is conspirator – go to underworld to convince him to stop him
2. king is stopped somehow…
3. filler
4. king demoted, given mop, headmistresses is new queen, gods displeased, too many people alive so unbalanced and killed again, suicide ghosts are revived so jacks dad can breathe freely without overbearing wife and sloppy kids
5. happy ending – chilie is offered place in Yukon club but rejects it to form new rival club yukant and is friendly rivals with lysander

Colourfully Tripping

Bella tripped along Inadvertedly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Edward, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a platypus hopping along, carrying a Vampire in its mouth.

Bella was almost over the hedge when she came across a Ambiguous cake, lying alone on a Sparkly plate. "That must be a treat from my Fat bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked Vampirical, so she ate it.

It gave her the most Incandescent tingling sensation in her eyes. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Edward.

When Edward came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Bella cried Energetically.

"Your neck! And your Epidermis!" Edward said. "They're Flabbergasted! Can't you feel it?"

Bella felt her neck and her Epidermis. They were indeed quite Flabbergasted. "Oh, no!" Bella said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that Ambiguous cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Edward said. "I got you a Whipped Cream. It must have been that Bitchy man who lives nearby. He acts a little Spontaneously, ever since he Bit a Chocolate."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Bella sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Edward said Spasmodically, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your neck is really Sunny like that."

"Really?" Bella dried his tears. Bella kissed Edward and it was an entirely Interracial sensation, like a boat over a lake like a bowling ball wouldn't.

They spent the night having entirely Interracial sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

Reflections in a Dark Room with One Table Light On

In the dark, dark hole that was my soul,

I saw an angel scream

Distressed by sound, I ran around

And then I had my dream

A life has passed, the pastor cries,

It’s always like this when someone dies,

You wait a lifetime for your heart to break,

And in the end there’s a slice of cake

Recompense from heaven, the bread of queens,

A vision of my life; I know not what it means

By some extraordinary talent, some otherworldly skill,

I mustered up the courage, I finally found the will

Not all is at an end, hope’s at the outer door,

But what happens when it and love are not enough,

What happens when we need more?

The parting of lovers, the meeting of friends,

They’re all the same when means come to ends

Fate’s a cruel mistress, but you’ll travel far,

If you think by running you’ll find a brighter star

You only have yourself, and what you build with that block,

It’ll never be enough to stop the ticking of the clock

Yet maybe you don’t need to, maybe all you need’s a way

To battle through tomorrow and meet another day

Bad or good, t’will ne’er be the same,

More fools are we for trying to play the game

Yet play we do and fight and scream

Not to win but ‘perchance to dream’

Life’s a joyous battle, the journey victory

We’d love to give it up, but what the hell else have we?

So now we’re here, why waste it? Why not give it a go?

Brandish your sword at life, stand, and yell ‘what ho?!’

And if life should answer, then you’re really screwed

Just hope and pray it’s not something stupid, not something rude

‘Play up play up and play the game’

What’s the difference? It’s all the same

I’m tired of writing, and you get the point

So finish reading this epic, and blow this joint!

By pulling many important strings (i.e. digging through the detritus in my room), and by special request, for one LJ post only, I bring you, the amazing semi-Welsh (see an author for further details) tale of Winnie the Pooh.

Please note that this was an attempt to type up what had been written most haphazardly – therefore consider this a rough translation and bear with me in terms of random interjections to the main narrative. Also please forgive any grammar mistakes – if I did, you can too. See the authors for any excuses/complaints about the grammar.

                        (directionally challenged)

Barney was a ^ dinosaur from my imagination       WE LOVE YOU BRIANNA!

^ Winnie            ^ Poo-h          ^ Christopher Robin’s dad’s

Pooh bear came from a Canadian soldier who saved a bear and was *very* lonely. He named the bear Winnie after Winnie Peg (read Winnipeg) and eventually donated this bear to the zoo. Christopher Robin (also *very* lonely) went to the zoo and saw Winnie. He loved Winnie so much he named his teddy bear Winnie. The “Pooh” name came in later, its original origin was thought to be unknown, but this is the true story…

FOR BRIE

Christopher Robin’s pop came into Christopher Robin’s room one night, noticed Winnie Jr. and said “That aint no bear, that’s a poo!”

Little Christopher Robin didn’t know what a poo was, and so his dad added an ‘h’ and told C.R. that a poo was a flower that stank like a stinky fruit.

--> slight deviation for scientific proof

 the flower = climate change

This was not acknowledged by the scientific community of the time, except for one young scientist, Pal Gore, who was shot down by a stomp rocket at 98% efficiency, at 42% of maximum altitude at 60% humidity in low wind conditions.

 
Christopher Robin’s dad, A.A Milne¹

 noticed him going into the woods for hours at a time, then leaving very happy, with just his teddy bear. He then wrote of Christopher R’s experiences in the 100-acre wood².

He asked Quentin B to illustrate, but got rejected because QB was busy licking hallucinogenic tree lichens, and so (harshly) rejected him. Winnie’s other friends came in later, their origins are another story…

P.S. CR became a deranged, psychopathic, slightly obsessed SERIAL KILLEA bitches…

Footnote: This recount is 99.9% historically accurate (see authors for eyewitness accounts)

and stay tuned next week (or tomorrow or late today depending on when I get done with my work and when I'm bothered) for the premise/characters of an exciting new epic from cabbagecakes works ltd. tm r c (Assume circles around those last two and the third from last in very small writing, because I'm way too lazy to do that now)

King Gob seemed like the appropriate icon for this one...

Also, if you don't know it, go look up the song "Since You've Been Gone" by Rainbow, it's from the 70s. At the moment it's stuck in my head, and it's pretty funny...so go listen to it.